


Sadistic Couple

by hazel_winchester



Series: Sadistic Family [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Marriage Proposal, Rivals and Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 16:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17811071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazel_winchester/pseuds/hazel_winchester
Summary: I always wondered what it will be like if someone proposed in Gintama, so i started writing and this is what it turned like. Hope you like it!





	Sadistic Couple

**When talking about Gintama proposal, don't expect roses, rings and confessions.**

Gin-chan high kicked with irritation to the max breaking the door to yorozuya shouting. "DAMN YOU OLD HAG! I TOLD YOU I DON'T HAVE MONEY! IF I HAD ANY I WOULD BUY JUMP."

But as perm head stop for a second he realized, after the sliding door fall to the ground, that it was not Otose in front of him, but Gori- Ahem, I mean Kondo-san and Hijikata who's face is crushed by Gintoki's foot still glued to devil vice commander's face. Kondo looked troubled and worried mumbling.

"T-Toushi?" As more anger marks appeared on Mayora's face and killing aura surround him.

"Oh, Oogushi-kun is that you? I didn't recognize you." Gin-chan said poker faced picking his ear as he put his foot down.

"OOGUSHI-KUN MY ASS! WHO THE HELL IS HE ANYWAYS? AND APOLOGIZE FOR CRUSHING SOMEONE'S FACE BASTARD!"

"Why should I? Its just Oogushi-kun after all..." Perm head said turning away and walking in. Kondo and Toushi followed, vice-commander shouting. "DAMN YOU, BAKAZUYA! I'll KILL YOU!"

"WHAT KIND OF A START IS THIS?" Shinpachi shouted as the trio entered the living room. "No, I mean it's natural for Gintama, but WHY THE HELL DID YOU START A SEQUEL WITH A HIGH KICK TO HIJIKATA-SAN'S FACE? SHOULDN'T YOU REVEAL MORE BEFORE THAT?"

(Nah, it's too bothersome.) "YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF!"

Hijikata glared at perm head drawing his sword. "Apologize or I'll slice that useless head of your in two. Oh, no wait I'll do it even if you do apologize. Let me free the world from you!"

"Huh?" Now it was Silver samurai who came face to face with Mayora anger mark on his face.

"Calm down Toushi. Remember why we are here." Gorilla commander tried to calm Mayo-freak with troubled smile.

"Hmph!" Devil vice-commander clicked his tongue and sit down on the sofa. While Kagura sit on the opposite one and Kondo sit near his friend. Gin-chan picked up his Jump and sit behind his table not bothering with his new guests.

"So Kondo-san? Hijikata-san? Why are you here?" Shinpachi asked politely as he served tea to everyone, except Gin-chan he got strawberry milk.

Kondo cleared his throat. "The truth is... We came here because we need your help on some matter."

At that Gintoki put down his Jump with a smug smile. At that face Toushi got even more irritated. "What's with that face bastard? You're pissing me off!"

Perm head continued with a smug smile. "Did you hear that Shinpachi-kun? Kagura? All might devil vice-commander came here to be beg generous and kindhearted Gin-sama for help!"

Killing intend rising Hijikata jumped up ready to draw his sword. "WHO THE HELL WILL BEG, YOU JACKASS? AND WHAT'S WITH 'GENEROUS AND KINDHEARTED'? YOU'RE JUST A PERM HEADED IDIOT WITH YOUR HEAD IN THE GUTTER!"

"Oh, Hijikata-kun... Is that how you ask for help... Didn't your mommy teach you to be polite?" Gintoki said mockingly picking his ear looking at the man with dead fish eyes.

"Kondo-san, we don't need all of them, so let me kill him. Please let me kill that damn Yorozuya!" Toushi snapped wanting to draw his sword, but Kondo hold him back.

"W-wait, Toushi, you can't kill him. He's a main character!"  
"We don't need an idiot for a main character, I can manage just fine!"

Gin-chan took his finger out of his ear and wiped it on the back of the sofa. "No way Oogushi-kun. You're just a number 3 you know. If cool Gin-sama is gone fan girls will cry."

"They're already crying seeing a useless part of humanity like you!" Hijikata shouted.

"My, my it's as fun as always as I see." Tae-chan entered the room with a smile.

Everyone calmed down seeing the Boss lady.

"OTAE-SAN! WE HAVEN'T MET IN SO LONG I MISSED-" Gorilla jumped on her, but Anego send him flying right away with her bat.

"Gin-san? Did you get a Gorilla as a pet? He shouldn't jump on people like that, lets castrate him!" She said with a smile.

"Oi, Oogushi-kun you heard her. If your gorilla commander won't stop jumping on her, she will really do it... or I will..." Silver samurai took his place behind his table.

Toushi lit another cigarette sitting back. "Damn it, why should I bother with this."

Tae-chan stands beside Gin-chan as she asked. "So Hijikata-san, for you to come and ask help from yorozuya, it must be pretty important."

"I have no intention of asking anything from that idiot!" Vice-commander said annoyed.

Gintoki glared at him, vein popping out. "And I have no intention of helping to a dog-food-lover who has no intention of paying for my service."

"'SERVICE' MY ASS! WHY SHOULD I PAY YOU! I CAN ARREST YOU FOR ALL YOUR CRIMES!"

"Eh? Then should I reveal your crimes too Hijikata-kun?" Gin showed trolls smile. "Like when you left Shogun naked in the snow and ride him like a snowboard?"

"THAT WAS YOU, DUMBASS!"

"Calm down, Toushi. Lets get back to the point." Kondo stood in front of them all beat up trying to act cool. "Well, you see actually we only need Chin girl's help."

Kagura arched a brow eating sukobu. "Huh? Me? I don't want anything to do with a Sadist."

"Now, now Kagura-chan you shouldn't say that before knowing what's the deal." Tae smiled.

"Anego?" China girl looked away mumbling. "If Anego says so."

"It's about Sougo. He..." Kondo started. "He eat a chocolate with a love potion and right now is pretty much in love with a... ham girl."

And there was a silence before Gin-chan and Kagura broke out laughing.

"Geez, Sadist so lame... hahah... So he finally found his true love... haha... So lame..."

"And here I thought that Oogushi-kun is the only lame person between tax-robbers."

Vein popping out on his forehead Toushi glared at him, but Gin-chan continued laughing. "So you're also worried about Sadistic Prince, huh Hijikata-kun? Are you his mommy?"

"I'M NOT HIS FREAKING MOTHER! And I'm only here because Kondo-san promised me a year worth of Mayonnaise if I help."

"Oh, nice lie." Perm head said mockingly.

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

"So will you help us, China girl?" Gorilla asked after the Yato girl stopped laughing.

"No!" Kagura replied blunt with serious face.

"But why? I thought you were dating..." Kondo asked surprised.

"Who said we are dating? We're rivals!" China replied.

"You went on dates." Toushi added.

"Those were challenges we arranged, not dates!"

And then there were an awkward silence as Hijikata continued, since there is no way he is going to lose a year worth of mayo offer.

"I'll give you a year worth of sukobu!"

"Agreed!" Kagura replied right away and it was decided.

"THAT WAS FAST!" Megane shout. "IS THAT ALL IT TAKES FOR YOU TO AGREE?"

Shinpachi sigh after watching all this. I don't even know weather to feel happy or sad for Okita- san, for having this kind of people around him.

Leaving the Yorozuya all of them walked towards the park, Yamazaki informed them earlier that Sougo was there. When they reached the park a big shock was waiting for them because what they saw shattered everything they knew about Sougo Okita. Sadist was smiling standing together with a pig girl while she was talking happily. When they got closer they were able to hear them.

"Yes, my princess." Sougo said smiling and that made everyone have blue lines over their face.

"Okaa-san, Okita-kun is acting weird." Gintoki hugged himself showing a fake surprised and bothered face.

"I'm not his damn mother!" Toushi retorted with anger.

"Toushi..." Kondo cried looking at devil vice-commander with desperate eyes. "Our little boy is acting strange."

"WHY IN THE NAME OF MAYO LAND ALL OF YOU TREAT ME LIKE HIS MOTHER!"

"Oi, Sadist? Did you finally lose it?" Kagura approached them. "What's with that disgusting happy face? You make me sick."

Okita looked at her and his smile changed to anger. "What the hell are you doing in here China? You ruined such a fine day by your showing your ugly face."

Vein popping out Kagura retorts. "Don't worry Sadist soon I'll ruin your idiotic face enough, so you won't be able to appear in the series again!" She hit him with her umbrella as he dodged the attack.

"Um, Hijikata-san? Are you sure there is something wrong? Okita-san looks normal." Shinpachi asked. If you can call that normal that is.

Vice-commander let out a smoke. "Beats me. You saw him a second ago."

Pig girl looked at him worried as she grabbed Sougo's arm and hugged it. "Sougo-kun is something wrong?"

Sadist wanted to shake her off, but seeing her smiled again. "No, my lady." "Ah, it's back." Kondo said.

Her eye twitching with annoyance Kagura shouted. "DON'T IGNORE ME, JACKASS!" And she attacked.

Sougo turned and as he saw his rival vein popping out he dodged her attack drawing his sword. "What's wrong with you China? Attacking me from behind."

"Should I even ask where to attack? I'll kill you for... for... I'll find a reason later!" China girl concluded and attacked.

Vein popping out Sougo replied angry and dodging. "Don't try to kill someone without a reason glutton monster! What are you a mindless killer? Want to join your brother?"

"I don't need a reason to kill my rival for... Cheating on me with some pig!" Yato girl shouted and Sadistic couple stopped.

Okita arched a brow. "Oi, China, that sounded more like...."

Pig girl stepped in between them not letting Sougo to finish. At first frowning at her Sadist put her arm over his and turned to leave.

"That's weird when he sees that girl he returns his weirdness." Patsuan said.

"I SAID DON'T IGNORE ME!" And once again as Kagura charged Sougo dodged and his Sadistic nature returned.

"Hm..." Tae smiled. "Maybe Kagura-chan is like an antidote for Okita-kun." "Eh?"  
"Nah, that can't be." Gin-cha waved a hand in dismissal.

"Why not? You needed future Gin-san to tell you the truth before you accept your feelings. Their future selves were as much dishonest as they are, so maybe they just need a push like this instead." Perm head looked at her sideways, not saying anything.

"As expected from Otae-san you're so smart!" Kondo jumped, but received a punch from both Gintoki and Otae.

Devil vice-commander blew out a smoke looking at two rivals who keep fighting. "Even if that's true, how can we break the effect of that potion? As soon as he looks at that pig the effect returns. Do you want us to stick China girl's photo on his forehead or something?"

Boss lady smile looking carefully. "Kagura-chan?" She called out loud and Sadistic couple stopped fighting looking at their Anego.

"You have to kiss Okita-kun."  
Kagura blushed. "What? A-Anego, what are you saying?"

"That's the only way to break the effect of the potion and return your love- I mean rival!" Got to be careful, or she won't accept it.

"Why should I kiss him again?" China girl pouted annoyed. "Let Mayora do it!"

"LIKE HELL I'LL DO IT YOU DAMN BRAT! NEVER! BESIDES THIS IS YOUR FIC, SO YOU DO IT!" Toushi shouted pissed.

"Don't want to." Yato girl shook her head. "Shinpachi you do it!"

"NANI? WHY ARE YOU PASSING IT TO ME? THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!"

"Why don't we let Gorilla-san here do it?" Otae smiled.

"Otae-san? Is that really what you wish for me Otae-san? No, I can never betray you..." Kondo cried and tried to jump on Tae, but Boss lady send him flying with a smile.

Gin-chan sighs, picking his ear. "Oi, Kagura... This is OkiKagu, so stop passing it to others and do it. Just close your eyes and imagine as if you're eating ice-cream."

"No way, Gin-chan, I don't want to! And now I can't eat ice-cream because of the image." Yato girl cried.

Hijikata blew out a smoke. "Well, we have another woman in here."  
Vein popping out Perm head threatened. "Do you want to die Oogushi-kun?"

"GET MY NAME RIGHT ALREADY, BAKAZUYA!" Toushi shouted and then pointed at the Pig girl. "Besides, what I meant is, lets let that girl kiss him and then take him away. That way we will be

free from a Sadistic King and no one will try to kill me again." Gin-chan nodded. "That might be true."

"Gin-san? Why are only agreeing with each other at a time like this? If Okita-san leaves our rating will fall. Gintama needs Sadistic King and Sadistic Duo to stay popular." Drop fall over Megane's head.

Silver samurai picked his ear. "Well, we can remove him and make Kamui appear a lot of times. He is a psycho, but also a Sadist, no one will realize."

"THEY WILL!"

"Anyways, no one against it so let's do it. Oi, Pig girl, you may now kiss the Sadist over there and be happy... away from me." Mayora concluded. Pig girl smiled moving close to Okita, but he takes step back.

Suddenly a weird pain hit Kagura's heart. Since the first second she heard about Sadist acting weird and probably being 'in love' with some girl, China felt uneasy and irritated. But when Hijikata mentioned that Sougo might really end up with that girl, it was as if sword just pierced through her chest. There was no way in hell that she is allowing anyone take her Sadist away! Why? She will find a reason later!

Yato girl walked closer to her rival. "I can't believe I have to do it again!" Kagura shout with annoyance grabbing Sougo's collar and pulling him close. Staring right into his eyes she blushed a little. "Listen here Sadist! You better pay me back with a 10 year worth sukobu!"

Sougo arched a brow anger mark on his cheek. "Are you an idiot China? I don't even know how much can a person eat that cr-"

But he wasn't able to finish as China pulled him close and kissed him. Everyone looked at them shocked, while Tae smiled.

Yato girl finally let go still holding tight on his collar. Sadist smirked. "This is the second time China and it's still clumsy."

"What did you...?" Kagura was about to shout pissed, but Okita put his hand around her neck and pulling her kissed her passionately. China's eyes went wide as she blushed and tried to struggled, but as the Sadistic prince deepened the kiss she closed her eyes just tightening her grip on his jacket.

"That's how you kiss China!" Sougo ended the kiss grinning as he looked at Kagura's face that was red like tomato. "What can't stand straight after my amazing kiss?"

Suddenly her hazy state disappearing vein popped on her face as she hit him hard on his stomach sending him flying as Yato girl shouted still blushing. "THAT WAS MY FIRST KISS YOU JACKASS!"

Okita made a double turn in the air and landed safe on his feet then glared at her answering with deadpanned voice. "That was not your first kiss, idiot!"

"BESIDES ISN'T THIS THE 3RD TIME?" China shouted.

Sadistic prince scratched his head. "Yeah, but the second time was done by me and it was better that you're clumsy one."

"NO WAY IN HELL DUMBASS! IT FELT SO DISGUSTING THAT I WANT TO PUKE!" "Oh..." Okita smirked. "So that's why you pretended to sleep to feel more of it, huh?"

Getting her umbrella ready Yato girl charged at her rival. "I'll kill you!" Captain unsheathes his sword and accepted the challenge.

"Why? Why? I don't understand?" The pig girl asked with wide teary eyes as she looked at the two rivals fighting. "If they hate each other so much why would they kiss? Why would she want to save him? And how can he easily break the effect of the potion for her?"

"They have a really weird relationship." Shinpachi smiled reaching his hand towards the girl. "You better give up, he is really a dangerous guy that only our Kagura-chan can handle."

"Yes, he is not... good..." Pig girl's eyes shine with stars as she looked at Shinpachi with admiration.

"EH?" Megane looked confused at the girl.

Before the pig's eyes Patsuan appeared like the cool, handsome (just like in the Gintama 2nd movie) and really amazing guy. There was a shining background behind him with white and red roses as she imagined him looking at her with Old-fashioned Shoujo manga type eyes.

"YOU'RE MY TRUE PRINCE!" Pig shouted and jumped wanting to hug Shinpachi, but Megane run for him life.

"THAT WAS FAST! I DID SAY FORGET HIM, BUT THIS IS TOO FAST! WHY ME? I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR LOVE INTEREST!" Patchy shouted running away as the girl run after him.

"Good luck Patsuan!" Gin-chan said with bored and uninterested voice. "Hang in there, Megane!" Hijikata blew out the smoke.  
"You have our support Shinpachi-kun!" Kondo cheered with tears.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOTS ARE ALL DAMAGED IN THE HEAD! DON'T DUMP HER ON ME! BE A RESPONSIBLE ADULTS FOR ONCE AND SAVE ME!" Patsuan cursed shouting and running in circles.

Three men looked at each other then turned away to leave, Gin-chan and Toushi saying at the same time. "I'm the popular cool guy type, if I get a girlfriend fan girls will cry!"

Vein popping out Patchy cried out in desperation. "WHY ARE YOU AGREEING AT A TIME LIKE THIS? AND GIN-SAN YOU ALREADY HAVE A LOVER!"

Perm head waved his hand in dismissal. "Everyone fear and respect her, so it's ok for me."

"Take care of the rest!" Mayora finished.

"I'LL FREAKING KILL YOU, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING MORONS!"

Ignoring the commotion, Kagura and Sougo continued their fight that stopped for a second as a physical one since they were tired, but continued verbally.

"You're a King of Sadists!" Kagura shouted.

"You're Glutton monster!" Sougo retorts back.

"You're a weirdo!"

"You have flat chest!"

"You have a sister complex!"

"You have brother complex!" "Your father is a gorilla!"

"Yours is bald!"

"You have Mayora for a mother!" "Your brother is a psycho!"

"You smell like Gin-chan's feet!"

"You smell like Sadaharu's breathe!"

"Your kiss tastes like spice."

"Yours taste like sukobu!"

"You can't live without me." China girl smirked.

"You are jealous over me!" Sadist smiled.

"Am not!"

"You love me!"

"No way!"

"Only rivals?"

"Yes!"

"You hate me?"

"Yes!"

"Want to fight?"

"I do!"

"Then marry me!"

"I will!"

And everyone froze, not believing, what they heard.

  
"Eh? Gin-san? What's going on? How did it turn to this?" Megane asked shocked.

"I don't know Shinpachi-kun. Gin-san's, you know... Gin-san's head is so messed up right now he doesn't know." Perm head said troubled.

Toushi sighs, letting out a smoke. "This is going to be troublesome."

"My, my, there going to be a weeding. I should hurry and tell Kyu-chan and everyone else, so we start preparing." Tae-chan said smiling brightly.

"Otae-san! Lets bless them with our love!" Kondo jumped on her, but got hit by her so hard he flew away.

Kagura and Sougo were also staring at each other shocked. Finally Sadist smirked. "What China, going to back away? Scared?"

Getting irritated Kagura crossed her arms over her chest and said. "As if idiot! Bring it on! But you better prepare your wallet because I want lots of food on my weeding!"

"No worries. Hijibaka-san will pay for it!" "WHAT?" Mayora shouted with anger.

"Boss lady and other Amazon's will prepare everything, so call me when it's done." Sadist turned away to leave.

China grinned. "Not so fast Sadist! What about my father? Do you actually thing baldy will go easy on you? He will kill you!" Yato girl laughed with a bad guy's voice.

Okita waved his hand in dismissal. "As long as he is strong I'll fight him. Don't forget to call your psycho-nii, Bakaiser told me about him and I want to fight him now!"

"I WILL! AND THEN YOU THREE CAN FIGHT AND KILL EACH OTHER!" Kagura shouted with irritation and turned around also leaving.

Kagura smiled. _This might not be such a bad idea after all._

  
_This is going to be fun._ Sougo smirked. _Challenge accepted China. Bring it on, Sadist!_

  
Both of them smiled looking side ways at each other.


End file.
